Why Do I Self-Sabotage My Weight Loss and How Do I Stop?

This is probably the question I get asked the most. Let’s start with the definition. 

What is self-sabotage? 

It’s the unconscious behavior you’ve been practicing for what seems like forever that messes up your progress.

It’s backsliding into old habits in moments when you feel like things are too stressful. 

You tell yourself, “I’ve been so good all week…one time won’t hurt.” 

Or “Fuck it, I had a long day and deserve to eat pizza instead of cooking tonight.”

This is your brain protecting you by going back to the well-worn patterns you had been doing repeatedly for years. That’s what our brains are wired to do…protect us. 

That’s my dog Rollie, the great protector of the Inskeep home.

That’s why we’re so negative by default. Our brains are always looking for the scary shit and throwing out thoughts like, “No!! That’s different!! That’s not safe!!” (Ever heard of anxiety? Here’s my blog post about that: Anxiety: It's Not Just A Pat Benatar Deep Cut)

The good news is that you have the ability to reason with yourself. This is when you can start practicing telling your habit brain to knock it the fuck off when it’s complaining about your new habits and wanting to return to the old quick fixes.

This, however, takes a lot of practice. And patience. And GRACE. (More on this in a minute.)

The “How do I stop” is simple, and I’m going back to the song I play on repeat around here: You begin by working on the way you talk to yourself.

I use the word “simple” often. Notice I don’t use the word “easy.”

NOTHING about any of this is easy.

Because, let’s be honest. You’re way too hard on yourself. 

You’re living in a pressure cooker of perfectionism and self-judgment…a recipe for disaster. (See what I did there?)

Here’s an example of self-sabotage happening when the shine has worn off and we start allowing stress to dictate our decisions. 

It’s like this: You’re just rolling along, living your best “new life”, practicing all those cool new habits that you just learned, and then…

BAM!!! You have a day where your kid is being difficult and you get a late start out the door. 

Then your boss is pissed that you’re late, so your morning is super tense and your shoulders are now attached to your ears.

You work through your morning break to make up for being late, and then lunchtime arrives and you’re crazy hungry. 

And then…you realize that you forgot to pack your lunch! 

And you haven’t had a drop of water all day! DAMMIT…I’m supposed to drink more water!

GRRRRR.

So you go through the McDonald’s drive-through and get a Big Mac meal with a Coke (not diet) because FUCK THIS ENTIRE DAY. You’re telling yourself, “I deserve to eat fast food because this day sucks and I need something that tastes delicious to make me feel better.”

You eat the entire thing without even really paying attention. 

Oh no, Dana told me not to do that. Shit.

“WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?” You scream inside your head. 

“I’M SUCH A FAILURE!”

“I can’t believe I totally fucked this up already!” 

So the rest of the work day is spent cruising the candy jar at work and berating yourself for having zero willpower. 

Dinner becomes pizza instead of the chicken piccata and Caesar salad that you planned because that’s what the kids want anyway, it’s easier than cooking, and I might as well just go HAM on greasy shit since this day went completely sideways.

If any of that feels familiar, you’re definitely not alone. (Past Dana may or may not have lived that scenario more than a few times.)

What could you do instead?

Well, you could breathe. My first blog post talks about a breathing technique that I use to calm my nervous system when I’m freaking out: Baby's First Blog

Then take a moment and consider what wolfing down that McDs will do. It will make you feel soothed or comforted, right?

For how long?

And how will you feel about yourself later? 

Ahhhh, there it is. Not great, right? That’s the shitty self-talk that comes back at you.

OR we could choose to get the Big Mac meal and pay attention while we are eating it. We can slow down and actually taste it. 

I’ve noticed that when I do that, I am satisfied about halfway through regardless of what I’m eating. (I don’t always do that, though, because it turns out that I’m NOT PERFECT!)

OR we could eat the fast food quickly and then realize what we did, forgive ourselves, and move on with our day, sticking to what we planned for the rest of it.

There are so many choices that you can make here. That’s my point.

It turns out that self-sabotage is a choice. 

It’s a habit. 

It’s a practice. 

It’s something we engage in because we haven’t learned how to treat ourselves and our bodies with the kindness that we deserve.

But it is something that you can unlearn.

So if you’re willing to do the work and try and try and fuck up dozens of times and still be relentlessly moving forward because deep down in the depths of your soul YOU KNOW that you deserve a better life, then let’s do this.

Email me at dana@revolution-within.com and we’ll get going.

Love & hugs, Dana