My Anti-depressant Doesn’t Work Anymore…Now What?

You’ve been taking your antidepressant for a few years now and you’ve noticed its efficacy seems to be lessening.

General malaise has set in once again.

Has this happened to you? (It definitely happened to me.)

Maybe it’s time to examine WHY you’re depressed. 

The why beneath the what seems to be ignored in our capitalist existence, doesn’t it? We’ve been conditioned to turn to pharmaceuticals in our pursuit of NOT FEELING TERRIBLE ANYMORE.

And I’ll admit, I’ve done the same thing. In fact, I’ve been on antidepressants for years now because every solution I’d tried before didn’t provide me long term relief. 

Also because I basically expected my depression to vanish (and stay vanished) with the swallowing of a pill. 

But guess what? That’s not how it works.

Though years of trial and error, research, taking courses and reading a ton of books, I’ve come to discover that having depression is something that, even with a genetic component, doesn’t have to be a life sentence.

So what have I being doing?

I’ve been practicing redirecting my thoughts to “rewire” my brain and good news! This shit works.

Granted, I spend a lot of time on this…I’m very fortunate to have the luxury of a stable marriage and, now that my boys are older, the time to hone in on my mental health.

So I’ve basically been studying my own depression and experimenting with different ways to manage it outside of medication. 

Full disclosure - I still take an anti-depressant for now. It’s something that I’ll have to reduce gradually and wean myself off of, like I did the other one I used to take. And that’s something that I need to address with my doctor. (AS SHOULD YOU. Please don’t stop taking any of your meds without consulting with your doctor. That’s dangerous and irresponsible.)

Here’s my point. Our brains are used to thinking a certain way. But with practice, patience, and persistence, it’s possible to change the way that our brains think.

If you’ve spent years being depressed, your brain’s neural pathways are wired that way. You’ve been telling yourself that you have depression. Maybe you’ve been telling yourself that there’s nothing to be done about it.

Now, I’m not advocating toxic positivity like, “What do you have to be depressed about? Look at your life…look at those two beautiful boys. Just tell yourself to be happy.” 

When I heard those words in the past from my dearly departed mom, my instinct was to slam down the phone. (Don’t worry, I didn’t do that. I seethed silently like the good little people-pleaser I was.)

I would provide objections like, “Mom, it’s not that easy. I’m exhausted. I don’t know how to ‘just be happy’…it’s not in my DNA.” 

And she would often blame my father for passing down to me “the Irish crazies” or “the black cloud” through his Irish lineage. Those were her terms for the mood swings that would overtake him frequently during their 50 year-long marriage.

Well, I’m quite accustomed to the Irish crazies in myself and have been for most of my life. But it’s something that I don’t like and have sought to end to for nearly as long as I’ve experienced it.

The solution?

A daily meditation practice. Sunlight before screens in the morning. Daily movement. Weight training twice a week. Continual journaling about my erratic mood swings. Also journaling about gratitude. Cutting back on alcohol and sugar. Paying closer attention to my gut health.

Even with all of that, I still have the Irish crazies. 

BUT…and this is the important part…I now know that it’s manageable. That there’s an end to the episode. That it comes in waves, and that, like actual waves, it will subside.

After two years of concentrated effort, I’m pleased to report that the episodes, while still pretty frequent, are much shorter in length. 

This part has been crucial to lessening the length of each one. On days when I wake up in a deep depression, whenever possible, I lean into it rather than force myself to “act normal.” I stay in bed. I sob uncontrollably. I listen to sad music and occasionally write terrible things that I don’t mean and would never actually carry out. (Kept in a locked note on my phone, because YIKES if anyone ever read it.)

And when I allow myself that gift, I’m usually out of it within a day or two.

The moral of the story? Depression isn’t something that you just have to accept as is. With concentrated effort you can lessen it considerably…maybe even knock it down to episodes of sadness. 

Which I guess technically is what I experience now, since depression is defined as “sadness without hope.” I have a great deal of hope now, and I’ve worked hard to get it.

Finally, keep in mind that we’re not supposed to feel good all of the time. Ups and downs are a normal part of life. But if your downs consume you and the ups don’t seem to show up anymore, then it’s time to try something new.

If you’ve read this far and you’re interested in working with me, email me at dana@revolution-within.com and we’ll figure it out together.

Love & hugs,

Dana