So it’s November 3 and you just realized that you planned to lose 20 pounds before the big family gathering on Christmas Day.  But you’ve lost zero pounds so far.

Dana! OMG! What do I do now?

I’m gonna tell you exactly what to do in three simple steps:

1. Stop obsessing over your weight

2. Find an outfit that you can wear right now that you look and feel good wearing

3. Enjoy your holidays with your family and friends

I get it. You want to look your best in front of your asshole Uncle Davy who focuses on your weight every year. You’re tired of the side-eyes and the whispers behind your back about your weight.

But what if…and hear me out…you just ignored your fool of an uncle?

And what if everyone is whispering about how the mashed potatoes are dry as f*ck or how obnoxious Uncle Davy is being YET AGAIN and NOT about your weight?

It’s not complicated, but it takes practice. Here’s what I want you to do.

In your Notes app* (see my Instagram for how to LOCK A NOTE here: Write It Down) or your journal, write down what usually happens at the gathering you’re dreading because of your weight. (Keep it short with minimal drama, we don’t need a full chapter in your memoir here. You can write that another time.)

Now close your eyes and do the following (but read it first, please):

Visualize the scene of your uncle approaching you and commenting on your weight. Immerse yourself in this from your memory…the smells, the colors, the sounds that you typically experience. 

Okay, here’s where it gets good. Here are a few suggestions for the next step:

1. Visualize yourself remarking, “I see you’re just as obnoxious as always, Uncle Davy” and gliding away from him toward a favorite relative. 

2. Picture yourself smiling mysteriously but saying nothing before walking away.

3. Imagine yourself saying, “I’ve been feeling so great lately, thanks!” before walking away.

That douchebro won’t know what hit him. (Pro tip: If he tries to follow you, go straight to the bathroom and shut the door in his face.)

My point is this: Find your own doable version of a calm, reasonable response that you can absolutely envision yourself doing or saying. (We’re not going for some unrealistic bullshit here. The key word is DOABLE.)

Visualize that response. Practice it a few times out loud before then in a mirror. (Yes, I know it sounds silly. But I personally think it sounds ridiculous to get on a stage and give a speech without rehearsing it a bunch of times, so…) 

If you’re sarcastic by nature then try a version of the first one; if you’re shy and softspoken, the second option could be a good fit. The third option is a good one to practice if you’re really focusing on speaking to yourself in a kinder way, as I’ve talked about in previous posts.

The reason I recommend not focusing on weight loss during the holidays is this: It can make the holiday season something you dread rather than a time you really enjoy.

Having said that, here’s a fact. The actual holiday season contains three to maybe twelve days of “overeating occasions,” full of tempting foods and alcohol and all of the sweets you typically eat less of now that you’re losing weight. 

The rest of those days can include decorations, music, and whatever wonderful fun traditions you have while still eating your usual meals and honoring your hunger signals.

So for a handful of days over a period of the approximately 58 days we have left in the year, you might overeat or overdrink. 

How about you plan a few occasions where you stay mindful of your hunger cues while allowing yourself the freedom to consume the food and drink that you really enjoy and only have during the holidays?

You can do that without going hogwild, I promise. Because if you are immersing yourself in the enjoyment of the occasion - visiting with beloved family members you rarely see, hearing songs you love that are only played this time of year, tasting the foods that you traditionally only enjoy during the holiday season - then you won’t be focusing on your asshole uncle and your insecurities. 

When that shift in focus locks in, then you will most likely find yourself NOT soothing yourself with emotional overeating or overdrinking the way you might have in the past. 

AND LISTEN UP. Even if you do find yourself overindulging, try allowing yourself some grace.

Why? Well, how many years have you tried to do this before? Oh, so this is NEW?

There’s a learning curve, beauties.

Just like everything else under the sun, you’ll need to practice this a bunch of times before you’re comfortable doing it.

Being impatient with yourself just slows everything down. If you go way overboard on Thanksgiving Day and didn’t plan for that, then assess what happened, learn from it, and plan better for the next occasion without beating yourself up about it.

You can be disappointed with yourself and learn from it rather than judging the shit out of yourself and fuck-it eating until January.

And when you practice visualizing and breathing through those situations (see this blog post for my favorite breathing technique: Baby's First Blog), you’ll be taking the temperature down on your own anxious feelings about the parties and the family gatherings.

Because that’s what this is actually about, not what some miserable human says to you. (Just think for a moment about what an unhappy person your uncle must be to cut other people down for his entertainment. That’s so pathetic and sad.)

When you repeat over and over again just a couple of simple techniques that start reprogramming your automatic thinking and regulating your nervous system, you will notice that you’re not as driven to overdo it.

Believe me, it can be done. I haven’t gained weight over the holidays in a long time. (I even lost weight last year.)

Growing up I used to be so hyper-fixated on what everyone was saying about my body. I had one aunt who mentioned my weight gain every time she saw me. 

Toss in the fact that my stunningly beautiful mother never said anything positive about herself or received a compliment without immediately dismissing it; so that’s the behavior my sister and I modeled. 

We learned that our weight mattered more than anything and that acknowledging our beauty or even accepting a compliment was unacceptable.

As it turns out, once I hit my 40s I realized that I was the one that was still fixated on it. Most people that I’ve met over the years haven’t been basing my value as a human being on what my body looked like…I was the one still doing that.

And I bet you are, too.

So try it. Let me know how it goes - dana@revolution-within.com

All will be well. ✨

Love & hugs,

Dana