Short answer: Really important. Here’s why:

• Community is vital to our mental well-being. Having people around you, either in person or virtually, who understand your challenges and celebrate your successes is very helpful. ✨

• We are in our own heads all day long. If you’re anything like I am, you may spend a significant amount of mental energy second-guessing yourself. Having people to reach out to helps stop the spin and lower the temperature a bit so you can find some reassurance or guidance. ✨

• How awesome is it to go into an online group, ask a question, and have four different people with four unique perspectives offer a solution? Or even go out with friends you haven’t seen in ages and reminisce, laughing your ass off all night, catching up on things? ✨

But if you’ve been following me for a while then you know I’m not about the short answers. So let’s goooooo! 🥳

I’d like to talk about community for a minute. As a person with major depressive disorder, I’ve been known to completely isolate myself (beyond the necessary exposure of school drop-offs and picking up pre-ordered groceries) from the outside world for weeks (okay, maybe months) at a time.

That was one of the splendid side effects of the pandemic, along with a drastic increase in social anxiety that I wasn’t aware of until I had that panic attack in Target (see that blog post here). Turns out that self-isolation isn’t good for one’s mental health. I mean, who knew? Peopling feels exhausting, and often we find ourselves avoiding it to feel better.

But this article from the American Psychological Association talks about the negative impact of social isolation, especially as we get older. I’ll sum it up as best as I can. (You can read it in its entirety by clicking this link: The risks of social isolation) It highlights an analysis done by a professor of psychology and neuroscience named Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad. Her research shows that social isolation drastically increases health risks, equating to well-noted unhealthy behaviors like smoking cigarettes, over-consumption of alcohol, and our nemesis, obesity.

Now, I’m not writing about this to terrify you into scheduling a lunch date with your mother. (Some of you might point out that spending time with your mother increases your need to isolate, so let’s not go down that road.) The reason I brought it up is to gently encourage you, fair reader, to reach out to others in your effort to become a healthier version of yourself. Be it your partner, spouse, friend, sibling, or an online group, having other humans in your corner is going to increase the likelihood that you will continue your weight loss quest.

I’m aware that many of us default to the stubborn mindset of, “I already know what to do, and I should be able to do this myself by now!” or “If I tell people what I’m doing then if I fuck up, they’re going to think badly about me or make fun of me behind my back.” OR - allow me the indulgence of showing a different perspective, if I may. Regarding the “I already know this shit” mentality: Do you REALLY know everything there is to know about losing weight? Has anything you’ve tried before kept the weight off permanently?

If so, then WOOHOOOOO! Congratulations!! 💖🍾 But if not and that’s why you’re here reading my blog, then I’d like to offer this: When you’re open to joining a weight-loss community, you automatically receive an entirely new bunch of peers that “get you.” When you’re open to hiring a coach to teach you new ideas and provide one-on-one support in reaching your goals, you become that much more likely to succeed and not repeat the entire process yet again in a couple of years.

And regarding the idea that everyone you tell will have terrible things to say about you if you don’t lose the weight…I don’t think that’s true. Do we have to automatically default to thinking that people are waiting around to say mean things about us or point out how we’ve failed? We really don’t have to do that. We can understand that 99% of the people out there are waaaayyyyy more concerned about their own self-perceived failures than yours.

No one thinks about you more than you do, and in turn, no one is more critical of you than you are. They’re busy overthinking their own shit. So let’s take other people’s thoughts and opinions off the table for now.

Before I move on to the battle of overthinking, I will say this…If those truly are the kind of people you’re surrounding yourself with, then maybe it’s time to re-evaluate. You don’t have to keep people in your life that are unsupportive. It’s not mandatory to remain in contact with assholes, even if they are related to you.

You also get to curate your newsfeed, and you get to style your social surroundings. Yes, you do. YOU get to manage your life and the way you want to live it. (More about that in future blogs.)

Overthinking is a big energy drain on just about everyone I’ve ever encountered. Yes, we all do it. And having someone to bounce ideas off of or talk through spinny dramatic shit with is soooo helpful, I can’t even put it into words. (Journaling is super-helpful here, too, but that’s not my topic today. I’ll revisit that in a later blog as well.)

Experiencing the camaraderie of a large Facebook community who all have the same goal of losing extra weight has been really eye-opening to me over the years. Back in 2012 when I first started utilizing online communities, I downloaded the My Fitness Pal app which hadn’t yet been bought out by UnderArmour. I was using MFP as a free tool to keep track of my calories and macros along with weighing everything on a food scale, which was super fun and not triggering my eating disorder at all. (Insert sarcasm font.)

I was also engaging in some social forums through the site and made several “fake internet” friends, many of whom I’m still in contact with today. Those forums taught me A LOT about online social interaction, and much of it brought me to where I am now: I no longer engage in arguments on the internet. It is a waste of my emotional bandwidth. People will find evidence for what they already believe. That’s how our brains work. They are typically not interested in what you have to say unless they ask, and even then what you respond with is subject to that person’s interpretation. There is zero inflection in text. And if people are already highly sensitive, they will occasionally get completely butthurt over your kind and thoughtful attempts to be helpful.

I still remember this MFP user who introduced himself as a “Highly Sensitive Person” and asked a question in a forum in which I was pretty active. He received many very helpful, encouraging, well-thought-out responses. He also got a few snarky responses from assaholics who opted to pick on him for identifying as an “HSP”. The entire thing devolved into him throwing a text tantrum and rage-quitting the group. Unfortunately, it seemed like he wasn’t able to ingest much if any of the amazing advice he got. He could only see the vitriol spewed from a select few miserable jerks who had nothing better to do but kick someone who was just being authentic.

I don’t recall the topic or anything that was said, but I obviously remembered it well enough to learn two very important lessons: 1) Do not feed the trolls. (That was around the time when I learned what that meant in internet-speak.) 2. When responding to a question in a group, be as clear as possible about your intentions. I typically deliver advice with the precursor, “I say this with the utmost kindness and respect” or something similar. That goes a long way in the land of no vocal inflection.

I told that story to point out that online communities, when we keep our sensitivities and reflex-misinterpretive-thinking in check, can be incredibly useful and supportive. I’m in several myself; I’ve made dozens of connections and have learned an enormous amount through them. It’s been a great experience since I’ve learned how to leave my ego/tendency to take things personally at the door and practiced the way online interactions work best for me.

And in-real-life groups - a group of four or more friends to meet and have brunch with, a group of other couples to have a fun night out away from the kiddos with - these things all contribute to better mental health. Even if it doesn’t *feel* like it when you’re experiencing the drudgery of putting on makeup or trying to figure out what to wear because you think everything makes you look terrible (by the way that’s not true, that’s just what you’re used to telling yourself on repeat)…getting out into the wild and interacting with fellow human beings can be a fun piece of the puzzle that is your wellness journey.

Also, by interacting socially with people out in the world for a meal, you have the added bonus of learning how to eat in restaurants in a way that is enjoyable and also supports your weight loss journey. More on that in an upcoming blog. Stay tuned.

Questions, comments, virtual high-fives? Please let me know. I can be reached at dana@revolution-within.com.

Love & hugs,

Dana